Library, the only place where I could calm my head, my son having eaten it by being a mini saint, really he doesn't mind his enemy’s brilliance — even though it hurts him, occupied in those thoughts i come across the section which contained various letters, unknowingly I was drawn to one particular one which was written from a daughter to her mother, I felt a connection there, having just argued against my son , on top was scribbled in dry black ink, “I am happy for her success, this letter is very important” Wow, the exact situation in my house, hence I read on further.
“I know you both must be finding me weird at this moment, but trust me I could never fathom myself to ever have negative feelings about the people who are related by blood… not that I allow them to speak s*** about us… no then they have to face my wrath… I swear, I can steel myself and not trust them but when I mean negative feelings I mean anger, hatred, jealousy, envy… aren’t these the different aspects of sin? Yes I may sound highly idealistic but I am afraid I have totally gone on my mother… remember once I told you how strong I am in my principles? Yes maa, I feared that I am so strong in them… that I may argue even with my loved ones if they happen to cross the line of my belief in principles… which includes you and didi as well…
Jealousy, anger, need to prove myself… for what? To show my younger cousin and the family that I am the best out there… what will I prove? That yes I get the highest marks? Compete against whom? My l’il cousin who still needs to be matured and go beyond the lines of jealousy? Remember Rashi… that small cute kid who would want to be like me… because she felt I was better, nay the marks were just an excuse… I am happy not because she got more than me but rather she got good marks… I have always laughed at the memories when she tried to copy me…it just shows her immaturity… and yes it is not that I welcome her with open arms but yes, in front of me no one can speak ill about her, i had once said to bua* (aunt) that Rashi said bad about me, rather she allowed others to say bad about me, that hurt me, I can vouch that I shall never say bad about her nor allow anyone to say bad about her in front of me, and I honour my words a lot… I don't feel good when u call her an elephant… not at all… and that’s why maybe I don’t correct you two as you are my dearest but yes you shall never hear the word elephant from my mouth as it’s my vow, and I can never break that.
And first wait for me to finish this letter, you never went into war against the female who broke your life… I have full pride on my mother… she is the epitome of greatness and yes am not talking about you, I am talking about my mom, my mother MY MAA, she is different, her virtues are her swords, she never harboured any ill feelings, a man full of rage, intending to kill my father fell down at her feet as he himself could not fathom her greatness. That is precisely who I want to be… I don't get it why u don’t like my maa tht much and why you don't want me to be like MY MAA, cause you see apart from falling in love with a wrong man she never did anything wrong… I am like that there is no difference between my MAA and me… and I am not the kind of falling in love types… my didi got the romantic side of her, i got the practical side of her…
Yes I am aware how they are, envious, jealous and barely leave a stone unturned to malign our character, yet I can't bring myself to hate her success, but isn't that why we are different from them, it’s not our wealth that they tried to steal, maybe it was our goodness that they could not digest…
Maa, in Mahabharata; Arjuna hesitated to kill his cousins inspite of them taking everything away from him… Duryodhan was almost an equally skilled warrior, but it’s Arjun who got all the glory, why now we both know.. u r someone like him, and I am stubborn, how do you expect me to change? For me it is truth, pride, morals, principles and justice, these r the five pillars I am standing at… these words define me… just for a number system we humans created to know how much we can mug up and throw up on the paper… for these few numbers I cannot change my attitude at all… and yes I don’t get u wrong, Maa I will change that day when u r not able to stand in front of God, looking eye to eye when you speak about me… that day I will change…”
After I finished reading the letter I saw the issue card where I saw my son’s name, yes this library was his favourite place as well… a small smile crept up my lips… yes I felt proud of him, that he instilled my values and would fight against anyone who would try to change it… even if it was me… but it was this goodness that I am scared about… his goodness should be his strength, not his weakness. The clock chimed six times and I realised that I have been here for more than an hour, he would come back in 15 minutes from his football game and slump on the sofa, from where he would ask me to give him a glass of water even though the water bottle would be right next to him… Well inspite of big thinking these teeny weeny things would precisely define his age of 12 years!
“I know you both must be finding me weird at this moment, but trust me I could never fathom myself to ever have negative feelings about the people who are related by blood… not that I allow them to speak s*** about us… no then they have to face my wrath… I swear, I can steel myself and not trust them but when I mean negative feelings I mean anger, hatred, jealousy, envy… aren’t these the different aspects of sin? Yes I may sound highly idealistic but I am afraid I have totally gone on my mother… remember once I told you how strong I am in my principles? Yes maa, I feared that I am so strong in them… that I may argue even with my loved ones if they happen to cross the line of my belief in principles… which includes you and didi as well…
Jealousy, anger, need to prove myself… for what? To show my younger cousin and the family that I am the best out there… what will I prove? That yes I get the highest marks? Compete against whom? My l’il cousin who still needs to be matured and go beyond the lines of jealousy? Remember Rashi… that small cute kid who would want to be like me… because she felt I was better, nay the marks were just an excuse… I am happy not because she got more than me but rather she got good marks… I have always laughed at the memories when she tried to copy me…it just shows her immaturity… and yes it is not that I welcome her with open arms but yes, in front of me no one can speak ill about her, i had once said to bua* (aunt) that Rashi said bad about me, rather she allowed others to say bad about me, that hurt me, I can vouch that I shall never say bad about her nor allow anyone to say bad about her in front of me, and I honour my words a lot… I don't feel good when u call her an elephant… not at all… and that’s why maybe I don’t correct you two as you are my dearest but yes you shall never hear the word elephant from my mouth as it’s my vow, and I can never break that.
And first wait for me to finish this letter, you never went into war against the female who broke your life… I have full pride on my mother… she is the epitome of greatness and yes am not talking about you, I am talking about my mom, my mother MY MAA, she is different, her virtues are her swords, she never harboured any ill feelings, a man full of rage, intending to kill my father fell down at her feet as he himself could not fathom her greatness. That is precisely who I want to be… I don't get it why u don’t like my maa tht much and why you don't want me to be like MY MAA, cause you see apart from falling in love with a wrong man she never did anything wrong… I am like that there is no difference between my MAA and me… and I am not the kind of falling in love types… my didi got the romantic side of her, i got the practical side of her…
Yes I am aware how they are, envious, jealous and barely leave a stone unturned to malign our character, yet I can't bring myself to hate her success, but isn't that why we are different from them, it’s not our wealth that they tried to steal, maybe it was our goodness that they could not digest…
Maa, in Mahabharata; Arjuna hesitated to kill his cousins inspite of them taking everything away from him… Duryodhan was almost an equally skilled warrior, but it’s Arjun who got all the glory, why now we both know.. u r someone like him, and I am stubborn, how do you expect me to change? For me it is truth, pride, morals, principles and justice, these r the five pillars I am standing at… these words define me… just for a number system we humans created to know how much we can mug up and throw up on the paper… for these few numbers I cannot change my attitude at all… and yes I don’t get u wrong, Maa I will change that day when u r not able to stand in front of God, looking eye to eye when you speak about me… that day I will change…”
After I finished reading the letter I saw the issue card where I saw my son’s name, yes this library was his favourite place as well… a small smile crept up my lips… yes I felt proud of him, that he instilled my values and would fight against anyone who would try to change it… even if it was me… but it was this goodness that I am scared about… his goodness should be his strength, not his weakness. The clock chimed six times and I realised that I have been here for more than an hour, he would come back in 15 minutes from his football game and slump on the sofa, from where he would ask me to give him a glass of water even though the water bottle would be right next to him… Well inspite of big thinking these teeny weeny things would precisely define his age of 12 years!
No comments:
Post a Comment